Sacrifices
by LetitiaRichards
Summary: Daniel is angry, and who could blame him? But he cannot forgive them for leaving him behind for ten years. Atonement begins and friendships are remembered. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

_Don't worry, I have finished my other story and will be loading the last chapter for you to read real soon. So stay tuned. _

**SACRIFICES**

by LetitiaRichards

Category: Angst...lots of it! AU. With some fluff too, but not much.

Pairings: Sam/Jack

Season: Set between 2000 and the year 2023

Spoilers: None really.

Summary: Daniel is angry and who could blame him, but he just cannot forgive them for leaving him behind.

Warnings: This is a very angsty fic – all doom and gloom, with a sad ending. Character Deaths (one through old age!) Tissues to hand would be advisable.

_This is a bit of a dark fic, so I warn you now. It's not a happy story and it is only a short one, but it wouldn't let me go and I had to write it down. Definitely an AU fic and contains a lot of flashbacks. Present day is 2023._

SACRIFICES

By LetitiaRichards.

2010

Jack sat at the table in the briefing room, his hand never still and his thoughts in turmoil as he related the past to the General now in charge of the SGC.

"The mission had gone badly from start to finish..."

_The rebel faction had deserted them, leaving SG-1 alone to fight off the advances of the oppressive regime forces. The battle was long and hard, and many sacrifices were made that day._

_SG-1 would never be the same again._

---flashback---

2000

"_Jack! They've gone! I can't believe they left us!" Daniel yelled._

"_They had no choice Daniel. They were losing too many men. Let's get back to the gate. Carter," Jack shouted, breathing hard as he ran, trying to make himself heard above the noise of battle. "Carter! Get to the DHD and dial us outta here! Go! I've got you covered."_

_Another shell burst near Jack, sending him flying into the dirt. For a moment he wondered where the hell he was, but gradually the sound of battle came back and he picked himself up, only to collapse, crying out in pain. He looked down at his leg to see a long ragged gash the length of his thigh, and it was bleeding profusely._

"_Damn!" he cursed, looking back at the advancing enemy. He fired his P-90 at them and gave a satisfied grimace when several fell under his onslaught. He heard the gate burst into life and the next thing he knew Sam was at his side, tugging him to his feet. He managed to stand upright, but could put no weight onto the injured limb. Dizziness assaulted him but with her help, he hobbled drunkenly towards the gate, only recalling his senses when Sam pulled him up the steps._

"_Daniel! Where's Daniel?" he cried frantically. He couldn't go through until all his team were accounted for. Ignoring Sam's protests that he should go through for medical aid, he couldn't, and wouldn't leave Daniel or Teal'c behind. _

_Jack swung round, nearly toppling over in the process, but his dark eyes locked with those of Daniel Jackson, his best friend. He yelled encouragement, ordering Sam to let go of him and give Daniel some covering fire. Jack fell to his knees without the much needed support; if he could've managed it, he would have been the first one to go to Daniel's aid. Teal'c backed him up as he waited for his best friend and took out some of the enemy that had surrounded them. _

_Daniel zigzagged as best he could but as his steps grew closer, so did the enemy fire and in an all too brief moment of blinding agony, the light behind those bright blue eyes died away. Daniel's world exploded, leaving the younger man falling lifelessly to the ground, his eyes forever captured wide open in surprise._

"_Nnnnooooo!" Jack screamed. He couldn't believe it. Daniel couldn't die. Not here! Daniel always came back. Please Oma! he begged, Daniel just had to live._

_Teal'c tried to run back for him, but the enemy sensed victory and moved in for the kill. They were under heavy fire, and with the gate open, the personnel back on the base were taking hits too through the wormhole. Jack felt an agonising pain in his shoulder from the onslaught, and the world blackened sickeningly, but he fought against the darkness trying to claim his consciousness. Sam slung her P-90 over her shoulder and grabbed Jack under his arms, pulling the injured officer backwards into the shimmering flux, watching helplessly as Teal'c joined them, taking a bullet to his arm as he stepped into the wormhole._

"_Close the Iris!" Sam yelled breathlessly, dropping Jack's now limp form to the ramp. _

"_Major? Where's Dr. Jackson?" Hammond had asked, watching as the medics assessed the damage to Jack's leg and his shoulder as he lay on the cold metal of the ramp. He roused at the poking and groaned when he heard the General's inquiry._

_Jack closed his eyes against the deep grief and regret he felt, but it was Teal'c who answered when he couldn't speak through the lump in his throat, and he knew Sam was struggling to answer too. ._

"_Daniel Jackson is dead, General Hammond. He was killed not far from the gate." Teal'c's voice sounded hollow, strained, far more than they were used to hearing from the stolid Jaffa._

"_Are you certain?" Hammond was stunned at the news._

"_Yes sir," Jack whispered softly, still seeing those blue eyes fixed on him in his mind. He swallowed harshly and wouldn't meet anybody's eye. He wanted nothing more than to escape and mourn his friend somewhere private, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Not with his leg and his shoulder wound. As it was, Janet was going to keep him in the infirmary for at least that night and possibly the rest of the week._

_A medic, held a dressing to his head, and he hissed at the stinging pain. He hadn't realised he was bleeding from a cut near his hairline too. And now he did, it began to make its presence known, along with the customary headache and nausea. 'Great,' he sighed, 'just what I need; concussion too.'_

_They tried to pull him upright to take him to the infirmary, but the world tilted sickeningly, and his legs refused to work. In the end they carried him to a gurney where the flashing of overhead lighting as he was sped away, did nothing to stop the bile rising. He closed his eyes and sank into an uneasy oblivion._

---end of flashback---

"Jack?"

"Jack!"

A warm gentle hand touched his arm, grounding him.

The soft but concerned voice startled him from his memories. After all this time, he could recall every little detail of that day almost ten years ago. He scrubbed a hand over his face, wiping away the traces of moisture that had unconsciously leaked from his eyes every time he thought of that disastrous day.

His best friend in all the world, Daniel Jackson, multiple PhD and major pain in the Mikta, had been left behind. Killed by enemy fire, he fell just 30 metres short of the gate; the stepping stone to the place he called home.

Memories of what happened after that day filled his mind again.

/Jack had watched his best friend die. Daniel's blue eyes locking with Jack's darker ones as the life drained from them, leaving him staring lifelessly at him. It was an experience he'd never forgotten and one he'd dreaded throughout their years of fighting the Goa'uld. Never did he think that the soul of SG-1 would die at the hands of a snakeless human native; and he found it a difficult sacrifice to live with even all this time.

His own words; his unwritten law; the one he instilled in all of his team members, came back to haunt him, as they had done practically every day for the last so many years.

"_No-one gets left behind!"_

The god awful truth was that he had broken that sacred creed.

He'd left Daniel behind.

He'd left Daniel's body back there on that god-forsaken planet, and he could never forgive himself.

Jack O'Neill had ignored the fact that he himself had been badly injured that day too, and that Sam had to drag his bleeding body into the wormhole, unable to help both of her team-mates. Teal'c had tried to go back but was forced to retreat under heavy fire. He had been lucky to escape with his life.

All three of them were.

Teal'c had easily brushed off the wound in his limb in no time at all.

Sam had escaped more or less scott free.

He on the other hand had almost died. The wounds riddled with bacteria, seriously undermining his health. He'd survived but part of his heart was irreparably damaged from the loss of a good friend.

It had been a distraught team that had arrived back at the SGC without their fourth member back in the year 2000. It was a devastated SGC that mourned the loss of one of their most revered characters for weeks afterwards while his own life hung in the balance.

They'd held a memorial service a few months later, when Jack had recovered sufficiently, just as they had a few years before when they thought they had lost Daniel to Nem; but he'd come back. This time, there was no coming back. Daniel really was dead.

During the service, Jack had, had to close his eyes and ball his fists to stop the echo of Daniel's screams from pounding through his brain. He played his part like a zombie, not wanting this ceremony because it would signify that Daniel had really died this time. It just didn't seem possible; it wasn't real. It couldn't be real.

Yet it was.

Jack insisted in trying to go back.

Once he had recovered, he bullied General Hammond into trying to return to collect Daniel's body, but Hammond had deemed it too dangerous and refused to even contemplate the mission.

Jack grumbled, cursed and came close to goading the General into issuing an overdue court-martial.

But Hammond understood the Colonel's frustrations and made allowances for his bad temper. Sg-1 was a close knit team; they were a family; a family in mourning.

Life had gone on and gradually over the years, the pain of loss had dwindled to a small ache at the back of his heart, and only brought to the surface at the mention of his name.

Until four years had gone by./

---flashback--- 2004

"_Receiving Tok'ra IDC sir!"_

"_Open the gate Walter!" Jack had ordered. He wasn't all that keen on the Tok'ra, never had been, especially not after having Kanan as a room mate._

_Jack sauntered down to the gate-room to greet their visitors._

_The glowing puddle shimmered and two forms stepped from the event horizon. Jack recognised one of them, but the other, younger one was a stranger to the Tau'ri base._

_Jack nodded to them in greeting._

"_Sar'an," he said gruffly, not at all pleased with the man's appearance. Sar'an wasn't his favourite character out of all the Tok'ra._

_Sar'an stepped forward and waved a hand at his companion._

"_This is Jun'ara. He has news of which I am sure you will be gratified to learn of. May we retire to your briefing room General to impart the information I know you will wish to hear?"_

_Jack stood back. Looking the newcomer up and down, then shrugged._

"_Sure. This way gentlemen."_

_He led the way and sat down at the head of the table, his former team-mates joining him._

"_So what is this all fired important news that you think we'll wanna hear?" Jack sighed, trying to hide his boredom in their appearance. The Tok'ra had a penchant for imparting new information to them and sitting back while the SGC lost good men and women so that they didn't get their hands dirty and then taking all the credit for the action and reaped the benefits afterwards._

_Jun'ara leaned forward, resting his forearms on the polished table. His dark gaze took in Jack, Sam and Teal'c, making them wonder what he was about to say._

_Jack just wished he'd just hurry up and spit it out. Time was a'wastin' and he was busy._

"_I have recently received word from my home world. A message from an old friend. He passed some information on to me, unknowing of what would be it's full potential on yourselves. I have heard of the many daring exploits of SG-1, even as a younger man. It was with great sadness I learned of the death of Daniel Jackson," Jun'ara spoke with the voice of his Tok'ra, sending shivers down Jack's spine. He looked genuinely saddened. "However," he continued, "Gerrant has assured me that all was not lost that day. Daniel Jackson is alive if not fit and well."_

_There were several gasps from around the table and suddenly Jack sat up and took notice. _

"_What?" he cried, voicing their collective surprise. "He can't be. We all saw him die!" he argued._

"_That may be as true, but he is alive, though he is a prisoner. Gerrant has been chosen to serve those that you fought that day. The Randiki are rulers of several worlds, my host's included. They are keeping Dr. Jackson locked in the cells beneath the fortress. Gerrant has seen him several times, but it is not permitted to talk with the prisoners, so cannot ascertain how he is in reality. Suffice it to say he is able to walk, albeit with a slight limp."_

"_How does he know that this is actually our Daniel?" Sam asked, daring to hope for the first time in a long while._

"_As I said, tales of SG-1 had spread far and wide, and Gerrant and I used to listen to them with rapt attention. He knew it was Daniel Jackson without being told."_

"_How old is this message?" Teal'c asked, being practical to the end._

"_A few weeks at most," he replied._

"_Sir, we have to go there. We can't..."_

"_Way ahead of you Colonel," Jack said, his mind already filling up with ideas for putting together a rescue mission. Daniel was alive! He had to go there. This was one mission he could not miss, despite being the Commander of the SGC, he wasn't going to sit behind the glass of the control room and wait for their return; he had to be there; to be a part of Daniel's rescue._

---end of flashback---

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**SACRIFICES**

by LetitiaRichards

_Previously:_

"_Way ahead of you Colonel," Jack said, his mind already filling up with ideas for putting together a rescue mission. Daniel was alive! He had to go there. This was one mission he could not miss, despite being the Commander of the SGC, he wasn't going to sit behind the glass of the control room and wait for their return; he had to be there; to be a part of Daniel's rescue._

---end of flashback---

Chapter 2

2010

"Jack?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Jack shook off his morbid remembrances and nodded. Covering Sam's hand with his where it rested on his arm, he smiled, rather sadly, blinking away more of the unshed tears.

"Yeah. I...I just can't help thinking about what went wrong on the rescue mission. How I...how I completely blew it that time."

Sam squeezed his arm, giving him a little reassurance.

"You didn't blow it Jack. That wasn't your fault. It doesn't matter any more my love," she said, reaching up to caress his cheek. "Daniel will understand, I'm sure. Any minute now we'll see him for ourselves." She gently shook his arm, confirming her excitement. "It's been so long now, I can hardly believe it's been almost ten years since we thought we had lost him."

She sucked in a shuddering breath that told of her nervousness and Jack shook himself again and tried to look happy for her sake. If the truth were told, he felt more nervous than his wife did. He couldn't help wondering if Daniel could actually forgive them for leaving him behind. Okay...that Daniel could forgive HIM for leaving him behind that day would be more to the point, Jack sighed.

Jack's inner turmoil at the thought of coming face to face with Daniel was making him nauseous, but he kept that to himself, because suddenly there was a commotion down in the control room and the moment was upon them.

Sam jumped up from her seat, her hand still on Jack's arm as she took up a position to one side of him, so that he could still see.

Brigadier General Paul Davis entered the room with Daniel following on behind.

Jack couldn't help flinch when he caught sight of his former friend. Daniel was thin, his skin sallow, and scarred over what he could see of his former handsome face. He walked with a pronounced limp in a sort of shuffle, a silver tipped wooden walking cane helping him to keep his balance; one hand tucked into his side pocket, away from curious eyes.

Jack took in every detail and found himself wanting. Wanting to take away the pain of those ten years. Wanting absolution for his mistakes. Wanting to show his friend, that he had tried his best, but knowing nothing he said would be good enough to cleanse the deep ache inside Daniel's broken psyche or his shattered heart, where once his friends were held dear to him. Jack could see the anger burning in those bright blue eyes behind the ubiquitous gold framed glasses as they took in the scene in front of him, but those once passionate eyes refused to meet with his now.

Daniel shook hands with General Landry and sat at the table opposite him, ignoring his so called friends. His former friends.

Sam's sob made Jack reach out for her, but she escaped his grasp and headed towards her old team-mate. Throwing herself onto her knees at his feet she flung her arms around his neck, crying and burying her head in his shoulder, telling him that she was so happy to see him again.

Daniel responded half-heartedly which angered Jack more than any words could have done. This wasn't Sam's fault; none of this was her fault.

Sam felt the iciness in Daniel's stiff embrace and backed off, feeling fresh tears welling behind her eyes in sadness for what had been done to him to make him feel this way about his friends.

"I'm so sorry Daniel," she whispered brokenly, before re-taking her seat next to Jack.

Jack reached out to her, wiping away her tears, glaring dangerously at the man for upsetting his wife, when all she had done was welcome him back.

"Daniel..." he spat, but Daniel forestalled him, holding his hand up to stop the expected tirade whilst still not making eye contact.

"Jack! Just don't! I don't wanna hear it!"

"If you have to blame anyone Daniel, then blame me. I was in charge of that mission..." Jack persisted.

Daniel closed his eyes against the words he didn't want to hear.

"I don't give a damn who was in charge of the god-damn mission Jack! You left me behind!" he snapped angrily. "All of you!"

"Jack was wounded Daniel," Sam flew to defend Jack's actions or lack of. "Teal'c tried to reach you but was forced back by enemy fire."

"And what about you?" Daniel accused Sam angrily. "You were too busy helping Jack, is that it? Jack rather than me? He was already at the gate!"

Sam was stunned by the accusation and couldn't answer for a moment.

"Don't you dare lay this on her Daniel. I told you I was to blame," Jack shot back in absolute rage.

"Oh, I'm quite happy to blame you Jack. Whatever happened to 'nobody gets left behind!' huh? I got left behind. Me. Daniel Jackson. Big time loser." Daniel reigned in his temper with difficulty, but he hadn't finished there. "You spent four stinking months in an Iraqi prison Jack and you think that was bad? I spent ten !#! years of my life rotting in a hell hole and no-one, not one of you came back for me! Not once in ten years." he yelled, now standing up and leaning over the table with his good hand towards Jack who looked away sadly and hadn't attempted to rise to the challenge in his eyes.

"We did Daniel," Jack replied softly, comforting his wife as she quietly sobbed into his chest. "Teal'c gave his life to rescue you. We all made sacrifices that day."

"When?" Daniel demanded. It was the first he'd heard of an attempt to rescue him.

Sam rose up in anger and hurt coloured her voice as she informed her old team-mate of the incident that had robbed her of another friend, and had spelled the end of SG-1.

"We tried Daniel. God knows we tried," she cried. "Teal'c was protecting Jack when he was shot down and killed. There was nothing anyone of us could do."

Sam took a moment to gather her courage and continued before Daniel could stop her.

"Jack tried his best Daniel. He gave everything to get you back that day; sacrificed everything..."

Jack didn't remember much about what happened after getting hit by enemy fire. He recalled Teal'c dragging him back towards the gate, but after that everything was a blank.

"Sam! No. Leave it. Daniel obviously doesn't want to hear about it," Jack sighed in resignation. "It's too late for that now. Leave it be. For what it's worth Daniel I'm sorry. More than you'll ever know."

"Then why don't I believe you. One stinking attempt at a rescue? In ten stinking years? That's a lousy way of showing how much you cared Jack! At least Sam had the decency to get off her ass and greet me; you haven't even attempted to welcome me home; you can't even look me in the eye. Well, you know what? Don't bother Jack. I guess this is goodbye and thanks for nothing!" Daniel was more than angry; he was royally pissed at those he'd trusted to rescue him but never came.

"Daniel. No. You don't understand..." Sam cried after him, but he wouldn't listen to her pleas. He stood awkwardly and stalked from the room. Leaving Sam in tears and Jack hanging his head in shame and sadness.

"You should have told him Jack. He would have understood," she cried.

"It doesn't matter any more Sam. We all have to live with our choices.

OoOoOoOoO

2023

Daniel had made himself as good a life as possible, or at least one as good as one could being handicapped. His imprisonment had left him with one huge chip on his shoulder, making him shy away from anyone who tried to become a close friend. In the end he became a lonely old man. He'd got himself a job teaching languages at a high school in Denver where he'd made his home, and now in his retirement he had nothing to show for those long lonely years, except regrets.

He'd been disabled from years of endless torture at the hands of a sadistic tribe of advanced natives far away on a remote planet, though he could never tell anyone that. He'd survived against all the odds stacked against him, but at a cost.

Here he was a grumpy old man with no family through his own bitterness, afraid of pity and anyone getting too close to his heart, so they wouldn't end up breaking it, like Jack and Sam had done all those years ago. After his team-mates had wormed their way into it, and had betrayed his trust in them so drastically, he refused to be drawn into a relationship again.

Just because he didn't want to know his former colleagues, it still didn't stop his curiosity about them over the intervening years. He often wondered what had happened to his ex-friends, despite the fact that he had deliberately cut himself off from them. It was obvious to him even back then, that Sam and Jack had married. He'd read in the paper about their eldest son, Jacob George O'Neill, winning a prize for science in high school and then had been accepted into the U.S.A.F Academy in Colorado Springs; proud to follow in his parents' footsteps.

There was a picture of Sam, Jacob, and a younger girl aged about 14, whom Daniel thought must be their daughter as she was the image of Sam, taken on Jacob's first day at the Academy. He didn't know where Jack was when the photograph was taken. He had to be somewhere nearby, Jack wouldn't have missed that occasion for anything. He did read that Jack had long ago retired from the service and Sam was still working part time as a civilian consultant at Cheyenne Mountain.

A few months later he was reading the local newspaper when he discovered that their younger son, Daniel Jonathon O'Neill, had just been chosen to play in the NHL for the Avalanche, one of the youngest to do so, which Daniel knew must have made Jack excessively proud. He could just imagine Jack haring round the ice rink having fun teaching his offspring how to play hockey when they were no higher than a grasshopper. He actually smiled as he thought about how much they would have enjoyed playing games with their father. Jack would have been great with them.

The name that Jack and Sam had chosen for their younger son had stunned him into wondering if he had been right all those years ago to shun them. The boy was born when he was still missing, after their failed rescue attempt. Maybe it was time to make amends after all.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to all who reviewed this so far – Miran Anders; StargaateFan; Stargate-Rocks; and Ilovesg1 _

_I hope you like this chapter too, but be warned it isn't a happy fic._

_And YES! It is an AU fic! _

**SACRIFICES**

by LetitiaRichards

_Previously:_

The name that Jack and Sam had chosen for their younger son had stunned him into wondering if he had been right all those years ago to shun them. The boy was born when he was still missing, after their failed rescue attempt. Maybe it was time to make amends after all.

Chapter 3

2023

Daniel picked up the phone book and searched the pages for Jack's phone number. It didn't take long to find it, there weren't that many O'Neills in Colorado Springs. With trembling fingers he picked up the phone and punched in the string of numbers, waiting for it to ring.

After several rings, the answer phone kicked in...

Jack's soft voice floated over the airwaves to reach his ears...

"Hi, this is the O'Neill madhouse. We're not here right now, so if ya wanna leave your name and number, I'll get back to ya a.s.a.p..." Beep.

Daniel flicked his phone off. He wouldn't leave his name or number; couldn't. What he had to say would have to be said directly to Jack or Sam, not in a message left on the damn machine.

He tried several more times, each without any success. In the end he gave up and threw the phone down onto the coffee table and went to make himself a drink.

Over the next few days, he tried to contact Jack and Sam again, but each time he met with the same message, until one day it had changed.

This time it was Sam's voice that floated to his ears. She sounded tired and worn and he wondered why.

In the end, tired of getting nowhere, he grabbed his jacket and hurried out of the house, jumped in his car and drove the few miles south to the city he had once called home.

OoOoOoOoO

The house looked more or less the same. There was a big extension to the side which they'd obviously built some time ago with the expansion of the family. He knew Jack and Sam had loved this old place, but he didn't expect them to still be there after all this time. He was surprised to read the same address in the phone book, but now he could see why.

It had lost the pristine bachelor appearance as Sam had turned it into a home fit for a family over the passing years. There was a beat up old truck on the driveway and Daniel knew for a certainty that it wouldn't belong to Jack. It must be one of the boy's pride and joy. Jack would be bound to have a sparkling new toy somewhere around, though he couldn't see one anywhere just now. In fact the old blue Ford was all he could see.

He plucked up his courage and climbed from his humble saloon and after walking stiffly up the pathway, he rang the doorbell.

From somewhere inside, a dog barked and he couldn't hold back a grin. Jack always did like dogs, and he vaguely wondered what type it was. Pedigree or mongrel, Jack would love it either way.

He heard footsteps approach and suddenly the door opened and he was confronted by a gangly youth of about 17. His blonde hair long and straggly. He was tall, taller than Daniel and probably taller than even Jack was. He wore ragged jeans and a grey T-shirt that barely reached his waist and his feet were bare. Daniel blinked, trying to associate this young man with the friends he remembered.

"Yeah?" the young man drawled, seeing a stranger on the stoop.

"Ah...is Jack home?"

The youngster sucked in a breath and gave him a look that stirred a memory of his former friend. This boy was so like Jack it was uncanny. For a brief moment he could see Jon, the young clone that had arrived at the SGC one day saying he was Jack O'Neill. Whatever happened to him anyway? Daniel pondered momentarily.

"You need to see Mom, but she's not here right now."

"When will she be back?" Daniel asked, feeling at a loss, and not hearing the answers he was needing.

The boy shrugged.

"Dunno! Sometime soon I guess."

"May I come in and wait?"

"Who is it Danny?" came the soft female voice as a teenaged girl appeared behind him.

"Hey! I know you!" she gasped in recognition. "You're that Daniel Jackson guy, right?" she accused. "I've seen your pictures in Dad's photo album."

Daniel felt a little satisfaction that she had actually known who he was, though her tone of voice was intimidating, accusing even.

"Ah, yeah. That would be me. You must be Daniel and...you're...?"

"Janet," she answered confidently.

He felt a frisson of hurt run through him. Hearing the name of the petite former CMO of the base during his brief career there, had brought all sorts of memories up from the depths of his mind. Janet. He'd read that she'd died of wounds one day, and knew exactly what the reports weren't saying. He'd been there. He'd lived the life at the SGC, and he knew it couldn't have been pretty. Rousing from his thoughts, he looked up into their eyes and for a brief moment he could see his friends staring back at him. Janet had blue eyes like her mother, while Daniel had the dark shadowed eyes of his father.

"Em...I came to see your Mom and Dad," he said slowly, as if having second thoughts.

The two youngsters looked at each other, but Daniel couldn't understand what the silent message was that had passed between them.

"They're not here. Can you come back later?" she asked.

"Ah, sure. Look, here's my phone number. Get your Mom or Dad to give me a ring. I'll go find a local coffee shop while I wait." Daniel turned and hobbled down the walkway to his car, while they stayed at the door watching him. He felt self-conscious at their stares, as he always did when he felt eyes watching his slow halting movements.

Putting the car into drive, he escaped as quick as he could, hoping that when he came back, they wouldn't be around. He hated being stared at; he hated people's pitying looks; he didn't need it, nor welcomed it.

OoOoOoOoO

Daniel sat with his nose in the paper, his third cup of coffee held to his lips as he sipped the hot liquid nectar. He savoured the taste as he browsed the pages of the local rag, waiting for that call; if it ever came.

As his eyes scanned the smaller columns, he caught sight of an article that had him choking on his drink. The cup was hastily placed back onto the table while he coughed to clear his throat, all the time his eyes reading the text that had captured his attention.

"Are you okay sir?" a waitress in a skimpy chequered skirt and white shirt asked.

Daniel dropped the paper and looked up into her face and blushed.

"Oh. Ah. Yeah. It...em...just went down the wrong way. I'm fine thanks."

The waitress blinked and forcefully pulled her eyes away from the scared face at the same moment Daniel felt her pity and looked down quickly.

He buried his head in the newspaper again and finished reading the article.

Gulping down the last of his, by now cold, coffee, he was about to leave the café, having given up on the call, when a shadow passed over him and he realised that someone was stood at his elbow. He looked up to see who else had come to stare at him, but instead he leapt to his feet in surprise.

"Sam!" he cried, pleased and yet shocked to see her there. "I...I didn't expect to see you here. I was gonna drop by. I just read..." he waved a hand at the crumpled paper and didn't know what to say now that she was there. "I'm sorry."

Sam's ice blue eyes stared at him for long moments before she slid into the bench seat opposite him and ordered a coffee for herself.

Daniel hesitated, not knowing what to say to her; he felt unprepared to face her now and he could see underneath that cool, calm exterior was someone who was holding onto her emotions with a tight rein.

"Why Daniel?" she said at last. "Why the hell now?"

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

_Not a happy chapter, but it will improve in the next and final one._

_Come on guys. Please R & R!_

**SACRIFICES**

by LetitiaRichards

_Previously:_

Daniel hesitated, not knowing what to say to her; he felt unprepared to face her and he could see that underneath that cool, calm exterior was someone who was holding onto her emotions with a tight rein.

"Why Daniel?" she said at last. "Why the hell now?"

Chapter 4

Daniel sighed. What could he say?

"I didn't know Sam. Honestly. I just read about it!" he explained with a grimace.

"You didn't know?" she asked incredulously. "I thought you'd come here to gloat."

"What? Sam!" he gasped, his face screwed up in pain. "I came because I wanted to apologise!" he sighed, waving a lax hand in the air in frustration.

"Why now? You had years Daniel. Thirteen years, and nothing. Not even a card or a phone call."

"I know. I said I'm sorry Sam. I know I'm too late now, but please. I don't want to go on with this between us."

"It's a pity you didn't think of that before Daniel. It is too late for Jack."

Daniel felt bad. Guilt tinged his face with hot flames and he could only repeat his sorrow for leaving it too late.

"He never gave up on that phone call Daniel. He was always expecting your voice on the other end of the line, but it never came. We didn't know where you were or he would have called. Ironically you did what the Goa'uld never could. You broke him Daniel. He was never the same after you walked out that day. I'd find him in his study with tears in his eyes. Tears that you had put there." She broke off to blink back her own tears, but never gave in to them. "He said it was as bad as losing Charlie all over again."

Her words pierced his soul like a sword and his heart ached that he had done this to his friend. Jack the intrepid warrior; the tough hardened soldier he'd stopped from committing suicide so many years ago; the compassionate man who had selflessly taken him in when he had nothing and had been a good friend to him before all of this happened. He alone had done this to him; his repayment for the care and attention Jack had lavished on him, and it hurt, worse than being left behind had.

He guessed after years of looking after Jack she would have to be a stronger woman that she had been. She was tougher, and it showed in her attitude towards him. Anger was still there too, simmering under the surface, and he knew that was his fault.

"He sacrificed one hell of a lot for you and you threw it back in his face. We all did Daniel. SG-1 was finished. Hell, the SGC was never the same afterwards."

Daniel was feeling his own anger rising too, like the crest of a wave, gathering speed until he snapped.

"Sacrifice?" he spat in a fierce whisper, not wanting to be overheard. "He had you; he had, what, three children? I don't call finding happiness through those things a sacrifice!"

Sam's eyes filled with moisture again but she hung onto her dignity and ignored the sting behind them, her lips pursed tightly together to stop a sob escaping.

"I call giving ten years of my life a sacrifice. The last thirteen years have been a walking nightmare." He laughed then, a harsh, bitter laugh, that made Sam shudder. In case you hadn't noticed Sam, I don't exactly look like Prince Charming any more. Do you know what it was like to walk down a street and be stared at? Does...did Jack? For god's sake Sam, everywhere I go, I get ogled at as if I'm a freak."

"Teal'c gave his life for you, so did Jack, and he did know what it was like Daniel, but he learned to live with it. The least you could have done is heard our side of the story. You wouldn't listen though. You didn't want to know what Jack gave to go after you."

"Like what? All I could see when I called round the house just now was prosperity and a well adjusted family. Hardly much of a sacrifice to my way of thinking Sam."

Sam bit her bottom lip, toying with something she wanted to say; to try to explain her their loss.

"Prosperity? Yes Jack had money. Money he'd earned Daniel through his books..."

"Books?" he interrupted. "Comic books more like. Yeah that would be right up his street wouldn't it?"

"Daniel!" she warned and he fell silent under her glare. "After his 'retirement', he wrote books. His pension didn't amount to much when bringing up three children, so he spent a lot of his time writing. Take a few minutes and go visit the Library once in a while Daniel, and look under Aerodynamics, or Astronomy, Engineering or Military Tactics. I think you'll find some of them very interesting."

Daniel's eyes widened at this. He didn't believe Jack had the patience to sit down and write anything so...useful or intelligent.

"He managed to sit down long enough to actually write a book?"

"Several! The Academy actually use one or two to teach tactics in aerial combat scenarios."

"Wow. Guess he wasn't as dumb as he made out then huh?" he snorted.

"Far from it Daniel. He ended up with 2 PhDs., and he actually spoke several languages. He had plenty of time on his hands."

"I'm glad life was so good to him after retirement. Tell me...was it your relationship that made him take retirement? He always vowed never to give up the fight, so were the Goa'uld finally defeated? Or where you pregnant?" he bit back.

"He didn't have a choice Daniel," she snapped, still angry with him, and chose to ignore the last scathing comment. This wasn't the Daniel she and Jack had known. This was a bitter twisted old man who still bore an amazingly huge grudge.

"**I,** didn't have a choice!"

Sam sighed. This was getting them nowhere.

"Daniel..." she said in a calm and reasonably civil voice. "Come home and let me show you. We can talk about this there. I don't want to fight any more. Not now. Jack would've hated this between us."

Daniel glanced up at her and saw resignation and perhaps a little defeat in her eyes. He stood and waited for her to lead the way.

Sam glanced up at him, not knowing if he was going to go along with her proposal or whether he was leaving altogether.

He held out his hand to her and helped her to stand, then nodded and she led the way out to where she had left her car.

"You know the way, just give me a few moments to get the kids to go out or something."

"Right. I'll be along later," he replied, knowing she had wanted to be alone to gather her thoughts and possibly her strength before facing him again.

He shut the car door for her as she started the engine, then watched her pull away thinking he would just pay a visit into town before he arrived back at the house. He needed to look up something in the Library.

OoOoOoOoO

For the second time Daniel rang the doorbell and it was answered almost immediately by Sam. She stepped back without a word to let him in, then closed it behind him, pointing to the lounge area. With the added extension, it looked different, bigger now but just as pleasant.

A cold wet nose, nudged his hand and he looked down into a grinning face and a wagging tail.

"Rufus, meet Daniel." The dog, a mixture of something Daniel couldn't quite recall, sniffed his fingers, sat down and offered him a paw.

Daniel laughed and shook the offered foot, saying 'Hi'. Rufus, his curiosity sated after a quick lick of Daniel's fingers, returned to his basket by the easy chair, and snuggled down to watch them talk.

"Coffee? Or Beer, or something?" Sam asked when Daniel had chosen the sofa to sit on.

"Em...need you ask?" he said with a shrug.

Sam snorted and disappeared into the kitchen.

In the meantime Daniel cast his eyes around the room. Jack's medals were still in the display case with a few more added, including his General's stars and a Purple Heart, and Daniel wondered why he had gotten it and where. There were other trophies around the room now too, most of which were neatly displayed in a case next to him, so Daniel peered closer. Cups and medals for each of the boys for sports or science and several for Janet as well, not surprisingly for science but also for music too.

He stood and took a step across the room to the fire-place and glanced at the many photographs crowding the mantelshelf. They were mostly of the kids. One or two were of Sam and the kids but there weren't any of Jack which surprised him a lot. Having seen the picture of Jack and Charlie still there among the others he wondered why there wasn't at least one of Jack and his second family.

Sam coughed as she entered, seeing him looking at the pictures. She didn't mind, he was bound to be curious.

Daniel turned, feeling a little embarrassed about appearing nosy.

"I was just..." he waved a hand at the pictures. "Jack must have been very proud of your kids."

"Very. He adored them Daniel, what did you expect?"

"Ah...nothing different really, I guess." He sat down again and accepted the steaming mug from Sam. "They great looking kids," he commented.

"They are," Sam smiled indulgently, inordinately proud of her brood. "They were so good with Jack."

Daniel frowned a little at that. Surely she had meant that Jack was so good with them?

At his frown Sam dropped her head with a sigh, and stared into her coffee.

"Jack never wanted you to know how much he gave to rescue you Daniel, He didn't want your pity, but now he's... now he's gone..." she sniffed, holding back a tear, biting her lip as the thought of Jack's last days was still too fresh; too painful to think about. She drew herself up with a great gulp and wiped an errant tear away before she continued. "Now he can't stop me, let me tell you what he gave for you that day Daniel, then perhaps you can appreciate the sacrifice we all made."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

_Wow! Thanks guys for the reviews…I need more though…pretty please!_

_Thanks to StargateFan; Kira6; and Ilovesg1. It's good to know there are some people out there enjoying this! Thanks for your support!_

_Final chapter now – hope you like the way it ends._

**SACRIFICES**

by LetitiaRichards

_Previously:_

"Jack never wanted you to know how much he gave to rescue you Daniel, but now he's... now he's gone..." she sniffed, holding back a tear, biting her lip as the thought of Jack's last day was still too fresh; too painful to think about. She drew herself up with a great gulp and wiped an errant tear away before she continued. "Now he can't stop me, let me tell you what he gave for you that day Daniel, then perhaps you can appreciate the sacrifice we all made."

Chapter 5

--flashback to 2004— Sam's POV.

_They were waiting for us. The enemy was hiding in the trees all around us, even though we had been expecting trouble as soon as we stepped from the gate, the attack came suddenly and swiftly._ _Somehow they must have known we were coming through._ _Jack_ _ordered the teams to take cover and the battle commenced. We pushed the enemy forward, but every yard taken resulted in someone getting wounded. It was a blood bath. Our losses were mounting up and Jack had no choice than to order our retreat. He stood in full view of the enemy when he dialled the gate and then made sure every one of his men got home safely, until there was just him, Dixon, Coburn, Teal'c and myself. He stood there and fired at the enemy, covering our sixes as we ran for the gate. The enemy fire more concentrated now there were only a few of us. That was when he was wounded. Jack took several hits and went down. Teal'c hovered over him protectively until Dixon had him slung over his shoulders. Then Teal'c fell under a barrage of fire, protecting him, never to rise again. Coburn dragged his lifeless body through the wormhole just after Dixon had gone through with Jack, but Teal'c was already dead by the time we arrived back at the SGC and Jack was barely alive. _

_He clung precariously to life for weeks, sedated against the pain and the truth, until months later he woke lucid for the first time, but by then it was too late; his career was over._

--end of flashback—

"I don't understand Sam. Why was it over? What happened? Tell me, please!"

"Jack's wounds were bad Daniel. Very bad. He had almost bled out by the time we got him home again. He was covered in it, literally head to toe, one leg hanging uselessly beyond repair."

"Why didn't he say something at the time?" Daniel snapped, regret filling his mind. 'Because you didn't want to know,' the inner voice goaded him. He bit his lip and waited for Sam to continue.

"Even the children don't know the worst of it. They grew up with him like it, so they accepted him as he was. His career was over, and for a long while he thought his life was over too. I wouldn't leave him though. Despite the fact that he tried to push me and everyone else away. He kept telling me he wasn't worth it; to go love somebody else. Someone that was a whole man. I loved him though, even through his pain. I resigned from the Air Force so that I could look after him." Sam stopped again and her eyes took on a glassy hue as she recalled those painful memories. It had taken Jack a long time to realise that she had genuinely loved him enough to give up everything for him. The Eighteen years they had spent together were some of their happiest despite everything.

Daniel couldn't think of Jack as having to be dependant but Sam still hadn't explained why.

"Jack was very independent Sam. I'm sure he would have been mad that you gave everything up for him...but what aren't you telling me?

Sam sighed and placed her now cold coffee back onto the table beside her chair and reminded Daniel of what he had said back at that meeting.

"You berated him for not bothering to greet you. Do you recall that Daniel? Those words were like a knife in his soul. If he could have done, he would have thrown his arms around you, he was so happy to know you were free at last. He felt so guilty though, he never forgave himself you know. All those years and he still carried the burden around with him. Just like Charlie's death."

"Then why didn't he welcome me Sam? God I just wanted to know you all cared."

"After months of painful surgery they decided that there was nothing more they could do for him. In fact if they hadn't operated on him he could have died. It was a hopeless situation for him and they had to amputate the other leg to save him. They tried to save it but it was that or die. He'd lost one leg from the thigh down and then the other from just below the knee Daniel. He was practically confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He was also blinded in one eye. Even without losing his legs, his career would have been over. We didn't have a choice t save them either. There had been no contact with Thor nor with the Tok'ra for months. We couldn't delay it any longer." Sam gulped down the lump threatening to choke her and hurried from the room so that she could compose herself and that Daniel could have a few moments alone to digest the news.

OoOoOoOoO

Daniel wasn't sure how long he had sat there. Time no longer had any meaning in the light of Sam's revelations. Jack's sacrifice was greater than his could ever be and he'd repaid him with scorn and bitterness. Shame overwhelmed him and the tears flowed in an unstoppable torrent. The years of anger and resentment against his friends evaporated like a summer mist and eased the bitterness in his heart, though now it ached for the life of his friend. The friend he had sorely missed if the truth were known.

He understood now why Jack had kept this to himself. Jack O'Neill was a proud and stubborn man and hated to be thought of as weak and would not tolerate any pity shown towards him. It couldn't have been easy for Sam to deal with him. Her love for him must have been great indeed.

And then there was Sam herself. Giving up her career in the Air Force to look after him. Knowing Jack as he did, the woman was a saint, an angel, which made him feel like a total bastard up against her generous nature. Daniel continued to dwell on all thing that had happened and spent the time berating his temper and ignorance and wishing he could turn back the clock. It wasn't to be; all he could do now was hope to repair the damage he'd wrought.

It was getting dark when Sam re-entered the room, flicking on a light switch which made Daniel blink in the sudden brightness. She silently handed Daniel a damp cloth and a towel to wash away the evidence of his distress. He nodded mutely and she disappeared again.

Standing once more to walk across the room, he gazed at Jack's medals again and now understood why he'd received the Purple Heart, the one he'd earned because of him; the one medal he didn't ever want to see among his friend's awards. The General's Stars had surprised him a little, Jack was never one for obeying orders, only when it suited him, although that was a contradiction in itself. Jack was fiercely loyal to the Air Force and to General Hammond in particular, so he guessed he must have earned them for some reason.

He heard Sam come up behind him and he turned to face her. Her own face was blotchy from crying too.

"I'm really sorry Sam. I...was sooo... I needed to blame someone and I guess I wasn't thinking straight. It took me months before I came to terms with being free. To realise the torture had finally stopped. My life since that day has been one long bitter trail of broken friendships. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Jack forgave you a long time ago Daniel. He knew you were better than that. He just hoped he'd be able to tell you in person, but it wasn't meant to be. If he wasn't crying about your pain, he was laughing in remembrance of something you'd said or done. I don't think there was a day go by that he didn't think of you. He loved you like a little brother Daniel; a son maybe, who knows. On the days he had to go for his medicals, he always came back demanding to know if you'd rung him at all. He couldn't always hide the disappointment when we said no, but he did his best to cover it. He'd never let the kids know his disappointment or pain. You knew what he was like."

Daniel snorted. Oh yeah he knew Jack alright. Jack would keep it all hidden away and cover the hurt with jokes and sarcasm.

She pushed a mug of coffee into his hands and sat down, patting the seat beside her. Daniel went willingly. She pulled out a photo album and they spent the next hour pouring over the pictures taken when they were part of SG-1. They laughed and cried, and cried and laughed. Then Sam brought out the family snaps.

Because Jack hated to be photographed in his state of disability, as he put it, he didn't like people taking photos of him, there were very few photos taken over the years, and Daniel was shocked by his friend's appearance. The last picture taken was just a few months before his death and he looked old and frail.

Daniel did the math and was shocked by it's disclosure. If he felt old, then Jack must have indeed felt much older. Jack had always been a well built man, not too muscular, but he'd held a sinewy strength in his body. He was tall and upright, though always he looked loose limbed and relaxed, even when facing the Goa'uld; the man in the picture was hunched over and thin, his snowy white hair framing a pale face that looked haggard and a lot older than his years.

"He was seventy-one Daniel. He lived a lot longer than we thought he would, but he'd been sick with Prostate Cancer for a while. We knew the end was near and so did he."

Daniel took another look at the picture. Where was that cocky, irreverent, intrepid explorer that oozed confidence from every pore? In fact he was sure this wasn't Jack. It wasn't the Jack he remembered, or the one he was hoping to have seen today. He realised that the Jack he'd known had disappeared a long time ago on the battlefield trying to rescue his butt.

Daniel bowed his head low and sniffed back fresh tears. His was the greater sacrifice in the end, and Daniel was humbled before it.

Sam sniffed back a few of her own tears and leaned across to embrace him. He wrapped his arms around her and sobbed out his remorse, more than sorry for his previous unforgivable behaviour.

They sat there for a long time, crying, consoling, begging for absolution and atonement and being offered comfort and forgiveness in return.

Sam welcomed him with open arms, just as Jack would have done had he been there. Jack would have welcomed him back without a second's thought.

His past bitterness all forgotten. His future brighter. Jack's family was his now. He was no longer alone. He had friends again.

"Welcome home Daniel!" she sighed, and he sank into the warmth she offered. Home at last.

Sacrifices accepted and honoured.

The End.


End file.
